Two Years Ago Today

I got on Facebook this morning, and after my perusal of a news feed dominated by posts about Hurricane Irene (stay safe, East Coast!) and an album of a friend's beautiful engagement photos, I noticed a link on the right side of my screen that said "On this day in 2009..." with a post I made exactly two years ago. Here is what it said:

"In 11 days, I will be going to spend a week at a resort in the German Alps. For work. I think I took off from Dallas last month and landed in a dream..."

As I read this, my reaction was one I really wasn't expecting. First, it is appropriate because I am going back to Germany for the same conference on Sunday. But I really felt that the reminder was bittersweet. It took me back to two years ago, when I had just arrived here and everything was new and exciting and I was so in love with everything and everyone around me. The world was at my fingertips and dreams were becoming reality. So why does reading that now bring twinges of sadness?

Maybe not so much sadness, but loss. Somewhere along the way, I let pressure, frustration, and long days at work leave me burned out and oblivious to one of the greatest gifts God has given me... the chance to live here and just LIVE THIS LIFE. How do I get that back?

We have today (Friday) off, which is a huge relief after four 14-16 hour workdays. I had a conversation yesterday with someone in the weather flight who is PCSing back to the States next week, and he was talking about how hard the time was between December and March preparing for our re-inspection after the failure. Maybe I never even admitted to myself what an emotional toll that time period took. And outside of that, I feel like I have lost a lot of patience with people in general, mostly due to my work environment. I find it much harder to keep my mouth shut if I feel that someone is making a bad decision. I am a lot less inclined to have sympathy for people who make excuses for not meeting standards or missing deadlines. And while in some cases that may not be a bad thing, I think it is very important that my overall approach to the world is one of love, hope, and joy... much like my old Facebook status.

We are currently studying Proverbs in OCF, and last week we read this verse: "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Prov 16:9) I can apply this in various ways to several parts of my life, but what it made me think about today is how important it is to seek and see God in every aspect of every day. In the middle of my third 14-hour day in a row, I may feel like smacking the pilot who makes a crack about the weather forecast, or the person who whines about every small thing they have to do, or the leader who makes a decision that doesn't make sense. But the truth is, God has directed me to be in all of those situations, and my attitude needs to reflect that.

My hope and prayer for this Germany trip next week is that I remember why being here in Europe means so much to me. I want to fall in love with the beauty all over again and be thankful for everything I have been given.

Good List:
1. Martin. Yesterday we celebrated his 30th birthday on Skype! I got to watch him open his gifts in the morning and then later talked to him on the DSN phone at work. I was so happy that he had a wonderful day (complete with steak and bowling) even though we could not be together in person. Only a little over a month until he comes home! :-D
2. Photo albums I keep forgetting to tell you I posted. Most have already seen these on Facebook, but just in case, here are:
Spring 2011 https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150695358560002.703441.701905001&l=a2c2c7cb9d&type=1
USA Trip May 2011 https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150733726485002.714017.701905001&l=4c88a5e7ad&type=1
Brighton Beach & July 4th https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150742393150002.716865.701905001&l=524280281a&type=1
Three Peaks Challenge https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150743997540002.717501.701905001&l=a235fd0622&type=1
3. Chicken tikka masala and garlic naan. How did I never know how amazing Indian food was until I got over here?
4. Finding joy in small things. An alarm clock going off at 0215 is no fun, but driving to work at 0300 means zero traffic and a sky full of incredible stars.
5. I found a house! It is in Bury St Edmunds within walking distance of Martin's house and the town center, and is in a nice residential area with a yard, driveway, and garage. The rental agency has been amazing, they are experienced with renting to military and have pushed all the paperwork quickly and with no issues. Moving day is set for Saturday, September 10th! :-)
6. Good chick flicks.
7. Lisa's Big Adventure. My little sister made it to LA, found an apartment, and is now in Manila, Phillippines, for a 3-week mission trip before returning to LA to start her urban ministry internship. Follow her at http://lisakeller9.wordpress.com/!
8. People who inspire me. I started a post on this a week ago, and while it is now sitting unfinished in the "post graveyard" (as cousin and fellow blogger Amy likes to call it), I don't plan on it staying there!
9. Uncle Ben's Brown Rice packets. 90 seconds in the microwave.
10. Fantasy Football draft tomorrow! I am nervous to play for the first time, but excited about picking my team and getting into the season.