Life... and Time

Arg... so much to catch up on, but there is a post I have been trying to type up for almost a month now, and I think it is finally going to happen tonight. However, it may not be what you are expecting... I want to take a break from the "travel diary" aspect of this blog to write about some things that have been bouncing around in my head recently. (So I guess that is my disclaimer, serious blog ahead vs. fun travel stuff...)

A lot of things have happened recently to highlight (for me, at least), the fragility of life... in the sense that it is so easily gone. I found out via Facebook the other day that a guy I dated briefly in high school had died... 3 years ago. Obviously, we had not kept in touch, but it is still unsettling to think that someone you shared time with as a young person not so long ago is no longer alive. On the same Facebook page, someone had listed 5 other members of that high school class (he was a year older than me) who had also died. I knew 4 of them... and had only heard about one of the deaths. Again, I was not close to any of them, but it is so weird to think about how I knew these people as high school kids. I mean, high school is that time when everyone is just so focused on the future and excited about plans for life... and none of those plans include dying before your 10-year high school reunion. Whether we admit it or not, it just forces the question... why them? Or even closer to home... why not me?

A friend of mine just lost his 23-year-old brother in a car accident... only two years after his mother's death. I have a 20-year-old sister and a mother who I both love very much... why have I been so blessed to have them still alive and very much a part of my life, while my friend has had to deal with the unimaginable pain of losing not just one, but both? Another friend and his family received news that their 4-year-old son might have lymphoma. He is currently undergoing tests to make a final diagnosis, but what must be going through the minds of those parents? The fear of not knowing whether your small child is going to face the horrors of cancer treatments with no cure, or he could just be anemic? The human body is such a strange thing... we all (at least sometimes) go through life feeling invincible... when in reality the human body is susceptible to so many things. I mean, all the body is is a mass of soft tissue and relatively breakable bones... what are our chances against speeding cars, falls, diseases, weapons, etc? Any of those things can extinguish life in a moment.

Another event brought to my attention by Facebook was the one-year anniversary of the death of a female Air Force intel Lieutenant from a roadside bomb in Afghanistan. I did not know this girl, but we had several mutual friends, who were all devastated by the news of her death a year ago. I could try to explain why this event hits so close to home for me, but first, I think you should read something I read a year ago, posted just after she died: http://www.vamortgagecenter.com/blog/2009/05/21/god-speed-1lt-roslyn-l-schulte/

Wow. I can't read that without crying, and I didn't even know Roslyn. But you know what? I feel like I could have. Maybe if I had known her, we would have been friends. Or even more, when I read that story, her name could represent so many of my friends. Having been in the Air Force for almost 4 years now, the majority of people I know have deployed, and we all will at some point. The fighter squadron I got to know at Red Flag is currently deployed. In an ABC news video from the deployed area, I saw the guys I sat around a table laughing with at PF Changs in Vegas now flying combat missions over Afghanistan. When people deploy from here, you never really think that they might not come back. I bet everyone expected Roslyn to come back too.

So what do you do, knowing that your life and the lives of those you love are so fragile? Do you live in fear, wondering every minute whether you will see another sunrise, whether everyone you know will survive driving to and from work, whether the goodbye you say to a friend will be the last one? How would your brain even function if you did that? What kind of life would that be?

And here's another thing to bounce around... I've been thinking a lot lately about time. There are so many Bible passages that speak of everything coming in God's time, not ours. I'll admit these are sometimes a frustrating, if not painful, read when there is something in life I want NOW, not later. But why is it so hard to trust when it has proven to be true so many times in my life? I've used this example before, but I literally felt like God had slammed the door on my dreams when I was assigned to Louisiana instead of Germany. 4 years later, I'm living in England and have never been happier in my life. God knew ALL along about the joy I would find here... why was it so hard for me to believe something like this could be in store? And why now, when I see something in front of me that I want so badly, do I still find it so hard to wait until God makes the time right for me to have it?

I guess it just seems like there are two different aspects of life to think about. Yes, I want things to happen in my life according to God's time. But with life being so obviously not guaranteed from one day to the next, I feel like time might just run out, that I'll miss out on something. How can these two aspects ever be reconciled?

So here's what I think. As much as I hate to use a cliche, I really believe the truth behind the saying "Life is what happens while you're making other plans." Driving home from a softball game the other night while the sun was setting, I watched the sky turn the most amazing shades of pink, red, and orange above the bright green fields dotted with fluffy white sheep. My brain had been running a million miles an hour being frustrated about a situation, but it grinded to a halt to take in the beauty of the scence. It reminded me of how lucky I am to be here, and I started thinking about all of the unbelievable experiences I have had, all of the amazing people I have gotten to know. Yes, there are things I want to happen in the future. But I can't let that overshadow the beauty of things that are happening NOW. These are the times I will look back on as some of the best in my life. I can't live them being afraid of what will or will not happen in the future.

This post was not intended to be depressing. The point is actually the opposite, that life is too beautiful to be depressing. Little things like spending a night laughing with friends, walking around town in the warm sunshine, eating a perfectly grilled steak... these are the things that bring a smile to your face without even trying. My cousin Amy writes a blog, and I absolutely love her "Good Lists"... lists of good things in her life that particular day/week, ranging from serious/sentimental (like her husband) to minute/laughable (like coffee). They always make me smile and wish I wrote more "Good Lists", whether actually in writing or just in my mind.

So as I wrap this up, my mood is thankful. It is through the joy that God has brought me in my life that I can trust Him with my future, at the same time that I say a prayer for the families dealing with the pain of things I cannot comprehend. Life is beautiful and something to be treasured... I want to realize that instead of letting it just pass me by.

Edinburgh Marathon

So, this will have to be a marathon post to catch up since the last time I wrote... sorry! I really have tried to get this blog written a couple times last week, but it just never got finished... so here's my attempt to summarize. :)

Well, I survived the Edinburgh Marathon. Didn't make my goal time, but overall I would have to say it was a good race. We took the train to Edinburgh on Saturday and arrived in the early afternoon, then walked around the race expo and the gardens in the town centre (it was a beautiful sunny day) before checking into our hotel. The pre-race dinner choice was the Hard Rock Cafe, where I carb-ed up on Twisted Mac and Cheese. :)

Race morning dawned cloudy, gray, and cool. The forecast was for clearing, however, so I put on sunscreen just in case. Martin walked with me to my starting area and took a couple pics before the race started. Don't I look excited?

My goal pace was a 10-min mile, and I started out comfortably running a 9:30. The sun came out around mile 4, and it started getting hot. Yes, it was only 70 degrees or so, but when you train in 55ish-degree weather, that is a big difference! Also, there was little to no shade on the course, so no escape from the heat. (Glad I decided to put on that sunscreen!) I managed to keep my pace under 10-min until mile 11, when the heat started getting to me. I probably should have started drinking more water earlier, but since I hadn't trained with it much, I thought I'd be good. I was wearing my Garmin GPS watch (one of the most amazing products I have ever bought in my life), and I knew I was in trouble when it seemed to take forever to get from 11.2 to 11.5 miles.

Almost without meaning to, I dropped to a walk, then immediately started freaking out. I can't start walking at mile 11! There are 15 more miles to go! I was supposed to run the entire thing! I know for a fact I can run 20 in a row, I just did it 2 weeks ago! I don't think I have ever had a real panic attack, but this was a pretty good mental breakdown. Luckily, somehow, I managed to tell my brain to STOP, calm down, and you will make this okay. The race is not over, nor is my chance to finish it well. After a minute or so of this forced calming, I started running again and mercifully came upon a water station quickly, where I drank a good amount of water and felt a lot more hydrated. I kept running until after the half-marathon point, where I excitedly noted a PR (personal record) of 2:07! My best time for a half-marathon previously had been 2:10, so the 2:07 was a great confidence booster.

It would make a great story at this point to tell you I didn't walk for the rest of the race and smashed my goal time, but the truth is, I really faded after the halfway point. The heat got to me physically and mentally, and I had to settle for alternating running and walking to finish the race. I had just passed the 25-mile point and was planning to start another walk break when I looked ahead along the side of the course and saw Martin with my camera. Now, I'll be honest, as much as I appreciated my travel buddy on this trip, my first thought was "NOOOOO!" Haha. Because the small bit of pride and competitiveness I had left would not let me take a walk break in front of a friend with a camera. :-P

Sooo... I ran the last mile to the finish, though it was not a very fun mile. Here is a picture of me close to the finish, and believe me, the smile was much more about being almost done than being caught on camera. ;-)

I finished in 4:58:07, which I'll admit was disappointing after a goal of 4:30. But on the bright side, it was 10 minutes faster than my Big Sur Marathon time of 5:08, and I managed to come in sub-5 hours, which is a small victory. When someone asks you your marathon time, it's nice to start with a 4 instead of a 5. :) I posted a bunch more pictures and one video from the race and the trip on Facebook, so check them out here if you'd like to see more: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=433864&id=701905001&l=fcc8c9f7b2

After spending a couple days in Edinburgh after the marathon, I came back to a short but busy work week before Memorial Day weekend. Now, some of you dedicated readers (if there are any of you, haha) might remember that I was supposed to run the Dover Half Marathon back in February, but it got postponed due to the course being too icy. Well, it was postponed until May 31st, exactly 8 days after my marathon. Understandably (I hope), I decided not to run it, but Martin, who had also planned to run in February, decided to run the rescheduled race this past weekend. I was excited to go along as his travel buddy because a) he was such an awesome race buddy in Edinburgh for me and I wanted to return the favor, and b) I love Dover!!!

We drove down on Sunday and explored a couple new areas as well as visiting some old favorites. The race was on Monday morning at a park north of Dover. Unfortunately for the runners, the weather was not great - cold, wet (luckily not raining), and windy. A tiny part of me wished I was running (being around so many runners getting ready for a race just has that effect), but most of me was very happy to just be Martin's "race crew" this time. :) He ran a good race, didn't quite meet his goal but given that the course was ridiculously hilly (removed any reservations I had about not running, haha) and that he hadn't really trained for the event, still posted a very impressive time. We stopped in Canterbury for a post-race lunch at the amazing restaurant we found there in February, and it did not disappoint the second time around! :)

So now I am halfway through another short work week, with only two days until my parents arrive in London...YAY!!! I am very much looking forward to their visit, we have so many fun things planned. I will be driving down to meet them in London for the weekend, then they will come back here for the week. We will probably do a couple day trips to Bury St Edmunds and Dover, with a couple days of work (for me) mixed in, plus an OG softball game or two, haha. The next weekend, we are going to Paris on a base-sponsored trip, which I am really excited about. I have wanted to visit Paris ever since taking high school French, and the frantic rush through the Paris train and metro system on our adventure back from Italy did NOT count!

This also means I have almost no time left to clean the house before they arrive (oops)... so I might have to consider this post finished. 0:-) Thanks for the congrats and comments already on my marathon pics, and I hope you all had an excellent Memorial Day weekend!